My biggest fear is someday I might run out of things to write or my words would fail me and I’d be left with nothing.
A little over a year ago, I decided to take this serious. Take a shot at writing on a larger scale beyond the walls of my blog and maybe the internet. The word, ”blogger” was and is still thrown around to every Thomas, Dickson, and Harrison who runs a blog. And then I realized I wasn’t an ”average blogger”. I took extra time to create even the most random posts not to talk of the premeditated ones. Subconsciously, I desired something beyond me. I wanted to write and write and write but I didn’t think I was good enough. For months, I was constantly beating myself up, pushing myself. Maybe I’d get better or not? Maybe I wasn’t cut out for it. But I pushed harder, wrote more no matter how random or meaningless they turned out, challenged myself to 20 posts a month. I didn’t even care about recognition or validation. I needed to get better. I figured if I was consistent enough, the audience would come around. So for a long time, it was a sole journey. I didn’t even have anyone to follow through. So there wasn’t exactly any support or encouragement from anyone/where. I was both my critic and cheerleader. The former more than half of the time.
And then I got to a stage and released myself. I was convinced I’d found my voice so I read up. Realized non-fiction came naturally to me than fiction which I struggled with. That’s why I just have a handful of poems till date. They aren’t even totally fiction. I have a very short attention span and so brevity became more or less my watchword. And so I had to look for how to fit in and find an audience solely for my needs. Along the way, I decided to try out guest-posting on bigger sites to build my confidence. I have no idea where the timidity came from. Left to me, I’d prefer to curl up on the blog and not move an inch. But I needed to try something new. So I came up with my first post which I’d written here earlier and sheepishly sent it in. My heart skipped a beat when I saw the link on my timeline.
That was a start.
It was huge for me actually.
There’s no one to celebrate with so I turned up by myself with myself as usual. But really it boosted my confidence a bit. I was ready to rule the world (In Coldplay’s voice). Anyways, next up was Bella Naija. I needed to write something relate-able. Different ideas came but instead I got stuck and pushed them aside…..until today.
…..to be continued.