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When The Redflags Are Not Red Enough

Or rather, why we choose to ignore the redflags.

This past weekend is one the internet particularly Twitter Nigeria will not forget in a while. I can already see the headlines topping an end of the year listcle. Yeah, of course Tiwa Savage’s marital crisis. I’ll spare you the vague details I’m aware of so just Google it.

As usual, I maintained my usual demeanour and stayed completely out of it. Online. Offline, it was a different story entirely. I had to narrate the ordeal to my mother on several occasions which of course led to various arguments and disections from the obvious angles. The next thing I knew, I was trying to watch the heartbreaking interview but couldn’t get pass five minutes. Thank God.

My mum and I had seemingly similar views on the issue. Surprise. Surprise. After going back and forth the timeline of this particular relationship in question, 2009 till date, one thing was certain – Tiwa Savage ignored the red flags.

I don’t know if my mum actually knew the marriage was gonna crash soonest or her foresight was just sharper than mine, all I know is, she was absolutely right. The marriage was built on a shaky foundation.

I sympathise wholeheartedly with her so I’m not about to bash her or anything. She obviously went through hell and that interview was everything she needed to break free of the shambles and emotional blackmail that was a marriage. I’m actually glad for her.

But my issue is with the red flags and how we humans intentionally or unintentionally decide to ignore them until it’s too late. Tee Billz supposedly had a wife and two children before he met her and moved back with her. Apparently, he divorced his ex-wife to take up the potential brand that was Tiwa Savage. Obviously, he knew she was gonna explode and he had to be a part of it no matter how small. So, he strategically positioned himself as her manager and the rest they say is history. How incredibly cliché!
Tiwa and I obviously didn’t read the same kind of books growing up.

You might like:  On The Issue of Marriage.

I’m not much of a Saint either. My very first relationship which lasted for four years was toxic. The redflags couldn’t be more tomato – red but I ignored all of them talambout I would change him. How naive was I! Another relationship was similar. He was obviously bad for me but I persisted until it almost went south. One of us had to move to maintain sanity. I knew I had to.

There’s probably a study somewhere that explains why humans especially women ignore redflags when their emotions are involved. Same way folks are blinded by the illusion of love when they’re having too much sex. It just doesn’t matter anymore. The hormones of both sexes tend to undergo some kind of brainwash until something near tragic happens and veil eventually falls off.

My question then is, why do we laugh in the face of danger? Is it a human flaw or just an irony of life?

3 thoughts on “When The Redflags Are Not Red Enough”

  1. We ignore the red flags because many take the marriage decision as an Emotional Decision, as much as emotions are involved – it’s really good to be Logical sometimes

  2. Fact: Our eyes and brain get clouded when we fall in love, hence the term – love is blind.
    Fact: We will ignore the reddest red flag ever unless it is a deal breaker.
    Fact: We rationalize even deal breakers and assume person in question will change.

    Solution? Reality Check. We generally know what a reality check is but in this case, it is a person. This is person is most probably your best friend. Real best friend, not the one that will be bought over by the nice things your potential boo/boo does. This person has got your back always. He/she will have to be as brutal as possible with when forcing you to see the red flags. This person must also be very comfortable with quarreling with you because it will probably happen. This person is your greatest fan but also the one to tell you ‘eh ehn?’ when everyone else is hailing you on your great catch. For every relationship or potential, there has to be a Reality Check. He/she will help you to pack your load sef if you go ahead with it against all odds and later realise your mistake. In any case, if he/she does his/her job well, you won’t proceed with the relationship.

    PS: Watch out to be sure, it is just not jealousy in some cases and try to see reason

  3. We ignore the red flags because we think we can change/save the other person. Simple. We believe that once he/she see our awesomeness and how much we love them, they’ll change for the better.

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