So Osemhen in her usual awesomeness posted this on her blog and for obvious reasons, a few things she said resonates with me.
I searched in other churches, and I found sparks, glimmers that whetted my appetite. In one of the pentecostal fellowships I joined in university, I learnt to study sacred Scripture. In another, I learned to give to the church, to only offer to God that which cost me something. In yet another, I learnt to make time for God in my daily life. I learnt to “fix my mind on what is pure and admirable”, to screen the music, movies, conversations and books I let into my life.
I’m currently at that point in my life where I’m trying to find meaning and not just play church. It looks like I’m gonna have to step out of my comfort zone to find that which I seek irrespective of what people around me think.
And then I read C.S. Lewis and realized that Christianity isn’t meant to be an easy joyride. I am asked to take up my cross everyday and follow the Christ. And we all have different types of crosses. At different times in my life, the crosses have been different. No money in the bank. Poor health (mine and my family’s). Disappointments. Failures. The scorn of others. All of them, my crosses. And some were easier to bear with a smiling face. And others I reacted badly to, in a very unChristian fashion.
This is so relatable.Often times, I’m faced with those situations that questions my faith in God and I just put up this nonchalant attitude forgetting that Christianity isn’t supposed to me a rosy ride. Meanwhile, I can’t believe I haven’t read C.S.Lewis yet. I know I have it somewhere.
And this is what I understand my faith to be:
To love the Lord my God with all my heart, soul and strength– to seek His face, to not allow sin or situation to separate me from Him, to strive to do what is right before Him, to freely subject my will to His. It was more than obeying the 10 commandments, it was knowing why the 10 commandments were given and internalizing them.
To love my neighbour as myself – to continually and actively seek the good of everyone God places within my environment. This shows up in things as little as letting a car cut in front of me in traffic.
I’m not a perfect Christian. I don’t always let people cut in front of me; I have taken my car to the panel beater’s too many times. I still listen to music, see movies and read books that I know portray ideas that are contrary to the faith. I still struggle with justice and fairness and chastity and modesty. I still have a temper and let it loose more often than I care to count. I still compare myself to others and wallow in self-pity. I still put my will first, sometimes.
I am, many times, a sorry excuse for a Christian.
But the trying is everything. Someone once said, “You must want to love God. That’s the essence. Wanting with all your heart, soul and strength to love God. And even if you don’t want to love Him, you must want to want to love Him.”
This, this is just apt! How else would I begin to explain it? This speaks to me.She couldn’t have said it any better. I’m sure she went into my head to write this.
It gives me so much joy to see young people that still have their faith as their priorities. Somehow, it gives me hope. There’s this invisible bond that binds us together and it’s reassuring because it means you’re not totally alone. There’s this strength to strive on especially when they’re are faced with similar situations as you.
My faith is the very essence of my being and each day, I strive to be that person God will be proud of. Of course, it’s not easy that’s why His grace is sufficient because He has also promised not to give us more than we can handle. How awesome is that?
God bless you Osemhen for this.