A few things were established this year;
1. I’m an incredibly paranoid person
2. I currently do not know what to study for my Masters degree. I’m completely clueless. I’ll explain.
3. Skipping my first cup of tea in the morning doesn’t really end well.
4. Also, I really hate coffee. Not even Cafe Neo can change that.
5. I have the capacity to make conscious decisions and follow through.
Between God and Me
My relationship with God this year has been the best in recent times and I have Youversion to thank for that. It has been a huge blessing to my life. There were times where I didn’t feel like church, all I needed to do was just meditate on a reading plan and I was fine. There were also times I considered church-hopping again because I wasn’t getting what I needed. Church became a ritual. Again, all I simply needed to do was reach out for a devotional which directed me to a scripture and that in itself was refreshing. I wasn’t hearing the same sermon I’d been hearing for the past 15 years. All of this contributed majorly to my growth this year. It also meant that in the midst of the chaos in the world right now, I could still discern from right and wrong. I could still hear the Holy Spirit direct me and I could also be sensitive enough to interpret my dreams. I might not be exactly where I desire to be with God, heck I might not even be praying as much as I ought to but in all, I’m incredibly grateful for progress I’ve made.
This year meant final year, exams, presentations and project. It was such a challenging year. I got so absorbed with work that I forgot to study well. I ended up crash – reading most of the time and that didn’t exactly end well especially since I had a lot of time on my hands. But in all, I’m grateful to be at this stage of my life even though half the time, it still feels surreal because I have to start thinking of the next step – my Masters degree. Yep! I’m clueless and I’m not even kidding. A couple of months ago, I read Big Magic where Elizabeth Gilbert advised “against” studying Creative Writing. According to her, it’s a waste of time and money. Aspiring authors need to read and write like their lives depended on it. That’s the only way they can get better rather than throwing money to some school. There are two things that my life currently evolves around, Creative Writing and Photography. All along I’ve planned to find a school which offers both courses at the Masters level fully baring in mind that school might make me hate them in the end. It was a risk I was willing to take. I even told my mother until Elizabeth bursted my bubble. Now, I’m lost and I’m not interested in anything else. The thing is both professions require lots and lots and lots of practice which I need to concentrate on.
When Love Doesn’t Happen
No, I didn’t get involved with anyone this year. After last year’s debacle, I think I’ve finally gotten to a place where I won’t get involved in meaningless relationships all in the name of not being single. I’ve been single for so long – even before last year – that it has become a lifestyle of sorts and no, I’m not sad or depressed. It would just be nice to go to a restaurant alone without getting funny stares.
That Writing Life
I got a new job in June. It’s such an incredible feeling writing for Cosmo even though more than half of the time, it doesn’t feel like it. I guess the excitement has worn off especially when you have to keep up with news and trends and controversies. I started writing solely on lifestyle but then life happened, exams took over my life and I had to switch – the only way I could keep up with my daily quota. One thing was certain though, I was able to get over my blogger envy phase and come to terms with quite a number of things.
1. I might not become that blogger with a large following and that’s fine.
2. I might not get involved blogger brunches or organize meet-ups and that’s fine.
3. I might not monetize or even get partnership with brands and that’s fine because I cherish the intimacy of this blog and I’m not ready to give that up for things that I can now afford (Thank God) or invites to exclusive events.
This realizations were a major breakthrough for me this year. It meant progress. I longer had to beat myself up over trivial issues. It meant that I could finally move forward and accept things. Also, I had Sizzelle which is literally my playground. The amount of freedom I have there is encouraging. I get to try out a lot of things and talk about it. It’s amazing. The thought of quitting AN crossed my mind a few times. I have been blogging there for about two years now and it doesn’t feel as exciting as it used to. Rather, it feels forced and exhausting. I’m hoping I can come to a conclusion in the new year.
About That Lifestyle
I’ve made so much progress this year that I think I deserve an award. From choosing water over carbonated drinks EVERY. SINGLE. TIME to generally making healthier choices. Except that I’ve been extremely lazy with exercise. I didn’t go beyond a week on several occasions. I tried to enroll in a gym but realised I didn’t have workout outfits. Yoga was also another option but laziness got the better part of me. I didn’t even get as far as ordering a yoga mat.
I’ve finally stopped complaining about my lack of friends and just stop talking about it. Has it improved? Not really! Instead, I’ve begun to appreciate the very few people that I’m fortunate to have in my life. Also, I gotten involved in stuff that I’m passionate about. Being part of NITC has been one of the best things to happen to me this year. I love that they could count on me even during the shortest possible time.
1. I read 60 books.
2. My hair grew to APL(Armpit length). This is huge because my hair has never gotten to that length. Ever.
– Never force things. Often times, when I have an idea, the first thing I do is to write it down before it moves to the next person. After which, I ruminate over until it is coherent enough. There are also times when I get stuck. I can’t for the life of me figure out a way to move forward. Usually, I leave it. I don’t force it. If I’m stubborn enough to hold on to it, I try to squeeze out something, anything from it. This often happens when I have a deadline. I notice that the results always pales in comparison to when water passes over it and letting the words flow naturally. So, I’ve learnt not to ever force things if I ever want excellent results.
– Listen to that small still voice. It’s ALWAYS right! This is still a challenge. I’m learning how to listen to the Holy Spirit and I often always fall short. Baby steps.
– Everything good will come. I’m not a worrier. I have a habit of leaving everything to God’s hands and more than ever before I’m immensely grateful for that habit. I’m not anxious about my Masters degree or getting married or having kids or even making money because everything good will come in His time. God’s timing is always perfect.
– It’s the little things – The other day my friend was complaining about how unmemorable this year had been and I stopped her on her tracks. I gave her a pep talk on how it wasn’t about the huge significant things that happened or didn’t happen. It’s in the little inconspicuous things. I’ve learnt how to appreciate little things.
– Whatever you do, don’t get fat!
2015 has majorly been about progress and I’m looking forward to what the new year brings.