I’ve always said that Yinkus Pinkus is my spirit animal and I’m not even kidding. Her post on A Different Kind Of Art resonated deeply enough to warrant a comment – something I haven’t done in an awful long time.
Anyways, this was what I wrote,
This is so spot on!
I’m currently at this point in my life. After ‘dropping’ most if not all of my old friends, I’m currently ‘friendless’ so to speak. I’m uber selective and cautious about the people I let into my life.
Just as you’ve said, I’ve began to exercise the power of opening and shutting doors.
Have I been able to make more friends as a result of this? Not really.
Have I been a better person in the process? Hell yeah! And I wouldn’t trade that for anything.
Last weekend, someone asked me why I didn’t have friends and I told him I simply haven’t met people that I want to be friends with. And that’s the truth. He further commented about my jovial nature and how it shouldn’t be difficult for me to make friends. I told him that I don’t know how to make to make friends anymore. In fact, he is one of the two friends I made in the last two years and that’s because he approached me first. If it were up to me, I wouldn’t be friends with him.
This is graduation season for a number of my peers – folks I finished high school with and it just occurred to me that maybe I should reconnect with my old mates since I wasn’t making new ones and build a network. Given that I know a lot of people but they don’t know me. It was just a thought. I didn’t think too much about it. But now that I’m writing about it, I have to think about it. Then again, I’m considering a lot of things – do I need to keep up with them? Do we have similar lifestyles or do I need to alter mine to suit theirs or vice versa? On second thought, too much stress. It’s not that serious.
I’m at the stage in my life where I’m super cautious about every single thing I do. It’s crazy I know. From the decisions I make to the people I let into my life to the food I eat and whatnot. I’m in my early twenties and I’ve heard and read series of stories of people being derailed at this time of their lives and I’m learning from their experiences. Somehow, I have this notion that it’s usually the circle of friends that propagate all this and that it often always can be avoided. I might be wrong. Call it paranoia. So, when I had the chance I sieved through the people in my life. Unfortunately, not many of them made the cut, just a handful.
As much as I’m an open book, I’m not about to let myself become an ”open field”. I’m not gonna allow just anyone waltz into my life with whatsoever intentions just because I want an active social life or a circle I can instagram about. Oh no. I’m totally fine all by myself.
That’s not to say, it hasn’t been lonely. Yes, it has been and will always be especially if you’re always in your own company. But the thing is what you make of that solitude. Are you making the most of it or just whining endlessly? It was difficult initially. I had to learn to how be alone and enjoy my own company. At the end, I developed an independent mind. I did things for myself and didn’t wait for people to do stuff for me. I went ahead and got things done anyways.
Have I been better off for this?
I don’t think I would trade that for anything in the world.