In All Friendliness

In All Friendliness

I’ve always said that Yinkus Pinkus is my spirit animal and I’m not even kidding. Her post on A Different Kind Of Art resonated deeply enough to warrant a comment – something I haven’t done in an awful long time.

Anyways, this was what I wrote,

This is so spot on!

I’m currently at this point in my life. After ‘dropping’ most if not all of my old friends, I’m currently ‘friendless’ so to speak. I’m uber selective and cautious about the people I let into my life.

Just as you’ve said, I’ve began to exercise the power of opening and shutting doors.

Have I been able to make more friends as a result of this? Not really.

Have I been a better person in the process? Hell yeah! And I wouldn’t trade that for anything.

Last weekend, someone asked me why I didn’t have friends and I told him I simply haven’t met people that I want to be friends with. And that’s the truth. He further commented about my jovial nature and how it shouldn’t be difficult for me to make friends. I told him that I don’t know how to make to make friends anymore. In fact, he is one of the two friends I made in the last two years and that’s because he approached me first. If it were up to me, I wouldn’t be friends with him.

This is graduation season for a number of my peers – folks I finished high school with and it just occurred to me that maybe I should reconnect with my old mates since I wasn’t making new ones and build a network. Given that I know a lot of people but they don’t know me. It was just a thought. I didn’t think too much about it. But now that I’m writing about it, I have to think about it. Then again, I’m considering a lot of things – do I need to keep up with them? Do we have similar lifestyles or do I need to alter mine to suit theirs or vice versa? On second thought, too much stress. It’s not that serious.

I’m at the stage in my life where I’m super cautious about every single thing I do. It’s crazy I know. From the decisions I make to the people I let into my life to the food I eat and whatnot. I’m in my early twenties and I’ve heard and read series of stories of people being derailed at this time of their lives and I’m learning from their experiences. Somehow, I have this notion that it’s usually the circle of friends that propagate all this and that it often always can be avoided. I might be wrong. Call it paranoia. So, when I had the chance I sieved through the people in my life. Unfortunately, not many of them made the cut, just a handful.

As much as I’m an open book, I’m not about to let myself become an ”open field”. I’m not gonna allow just anyone waltz into my life with whatsoever intentions just because I want an active social life or a circle I can instagram about. Oh no. I’m totally fine all by myself.

That’s not to say, it hasn’t been lonely. Yes, it has been and will always be especially if you’re always in your own company. But the thing is what you make of that solitude. Are you making the most of it or just whining endlessly? It was difficult initially. I had to learn to how be alone and enjoy my own company. At the end, I developed an independent mind. I did things for myself and didn’t wait for people to do stuff for me. I went ahead and got things done anyways.

Have I been better off for this?

Hell yeah!

I don’t think I would trade that for anything in the world.


Freelance Content Writer. Bookish. Aspiring Organic Skincare Formulator.

10 thoughts on “In All Friendliness

  1. Hmmm I think u should be useful and let things flow naturally,esp with friendship even while being selective. Don’t push people away,those like u would stay while those that don’t share ur mindset would naturally depart.

    Still love dis blog tho…keep it up

  2. I couldn’t find your “Like Button” so I’m commenting instead.

    This thing about being putting people through a sieve and seeing who makes it through to become my friend is something I have been doing for a while as well, and it has surely paid off.

    Next time anybody asks me why I don’t have a bunch of friends, I’ll just send them the link to this post…Lol.

  3. I don’t know why, but this post makes me feel sad. I saw your comment on her blog and I thought to myself, that while it’s a great thing that you’re being cautious about who you let into your life, doing it to the extreme point that you feel friendless… I’m sure there are people who consider you to be their friend, and they might be hurt to read that you say you don’t have friends.

    As far as reconnecting with old friends, you don’t have to be in their faces and vice versa. I have friends from secondary school, who even though I haven’t seen in years or spoken to in months, whenever we do speak, it’s a lot of sharing and catching up. And it feels nice to know that apart from your family, there are people out there who genuinely care for you. In fact, some of my closest friends, I call my sisters or cousins.

    Anyway, not everyone’s the same, so no worries.

    1. You know Berry, there are two types of people in this the world.

      People like you and people like me. 🙂

      Maybe the term ‘friendless’ is far fetched, maybe not. As long as the message is passed across.

      I also said I actually have a handful of them. 🙂

  4. Halos Ebun! It’s been a while I hollered here since we met outside of ozone and you were running off 😀 I hope you’re good. I just thought I should drop by and say Hi.

    Well, about your post, I think we might or will come to a stage in our lives where when we’re alone, we begin to see ourselves for who we really are and want to be. We want to start examining ourselves and I believe it creates a better you as you’ve stated above. Who knows, God may be preparing you for something greater so that you learn to lean on no one else but Him alone.

    Right now, I’m at a stage of my life where God is teaching me that and though it’s not been easy, It’s worth it. What’s the point of friends that won’t add value to your life anyways? Friends should have meaning, they should be able to impart meaning into your life and recently, I think God has been picking my friends for me and I like it that way. You’ll just begin to see that the friendships you actually thought could work won’t work anymore and the ones you thought you had nothing to do with, God brings you together to help one another. The more you throw yourself on God, the more you realize that the few people you need in your life are those bringing you up and adding values into your life. Any other ones, we can pass right?

    Sorry for the long chat 🙂 In all friendliness…

  5. Oh and I also wanted to add, if God is bringing people into your life, don’t block your heart against them. You never know the diamond they might make out of you but yes, we are to pick our friends.

    As iron sharpens iron, so should a friend.

    Love while you can with the love of Christ for it is the bond of perfection

    I read a quote somewhere that said, “Don’t love, you might get hurt. Then I told them, “Don’t live, you might die.”

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