I have a thing for second chances.
People waltz in and out of my life and crush me and still leave me hanging. I give them second chances. Up to ten even. It’s just the way I’m wired. Most times, I’m the one at loss. I’m the one who has to put her life on hold and suck it up in order to feel things and get it over with.
Is it a weakness? I don’t know.
In my head, God forgives us every time we trespass, who are we not to?
The other day, I wrote about how I do not like to bottle things up hence forgiveness comes easily to me. I could get mad for like five minutes but that dissipates thereafter. But, because I’m human and female, I have to process things so it seems like I’m taking forever to get over it. It’s actually not so. Of course, there’s the aftermath, the subtle reminders and relics here and there that never go away. But when they don’t move me anymore, I know I’m over it.
Is it a character flaw then? I don’t know.
The worst things are the people that actually take advantage of this weakness talambout she’ll forgive me. Like an excuse to intentionally hurt the person. A few occasions, I’ve been the victim and I’ve gone back every single time. Stockholm Syndrome anyone? Even so, I began to notice a trend. But that’s beside the point. I’m not about to victimize my rational decisions.
After giving them that second chance, they still end up doing the same damn thing. This time, it hurts less because you’re more aware and armoured. The walls in your heart are made of steel. They cannot be shaken!
So, the question is, are we going to stay away from people because of their tendency to hurt us? Or are we gonna continue allowing ourselves to get hurt because it’s a clichéd way of getting stronger which is BS btw. Can we not get stronger without getting hurt?
For the longest time, I’ve been on the sidelines. Watching. Learning from people’s experiences. God forbid I made the same mistakes or fell into the same trap. You don’t want to get raped? Don’t wear revealing clothes. You don’t want to have sex. Don’t go to a dark private place. I did not get involved. Then I became immune. I did not know how to feel things anymore. How do you fall in love again? Everyone has the tendency to get hurt by the ones we love. It’s an unwritten rule of life. It’s inevitable. The question is, are we gonna keep giving them second chances in order not to miss out on the amazing things that could have been fully bearing in mind that they’re human and they make mistakes? Or are we gonna shut ourselves out?
Funny enough, after all of the bad experiences I’ve had, I’m willing to give second chances even though I’m torn and the warning bells are jingling in my head. Maybe because I can see beyond the errors and the tendencies. Or because I believe people aren’t inherently bad by default. All I know is, I’m giving someone a chance. It’s really up to them what they do with it.
Have I lost it or what?