Faith

For All The Right Reasons

So, I just read this awesome article on BuzzFeed which resonated with me and I thought I should share and talk about it.

It’s basically about a young couple, both 23, who have made the decision to wait till marriage. Wait – abstain from sex.

It’s awesome, really.

Every time I read something of this nature, for those few minutes, all is well with the world again.

So, I’m gonna be highlighting some of the things that stood out for me from that article.

From a religious perspective, what we’ve done is committed our plans to the God that we serve. We’ve said this is what we want to do, and we know that it’s only the grace of God that will continue to sustain our relationship. And even in marriage – whenever that may come – it is the grace of God that will continue to sustain us as a couple.

I wish people never forget that the grace of God exists for a reason. I mean, it’s only through that very grace that we’re alive today. I love that they realised that they’re only humans and thus tabled their decision before God.

…. you have to make a fairly conscious decision to follow Christ. That happened for me when I was 14.

I grew in a Christian home. My folks brought me up under the right doctrines even though they were always church-hopping. Then we found one  before finally settling. I remember one night in the ’90s. My mother carried my brother and I to the alter to give our lives to Christ. We all did. That was a significant point in my life. Since then, I’ve grown up with these doctrines instilled in me. About three years ago, I made a conscious decision to follow Christ. This was bound to happen somehow.

The motivation for celibacy before marriage is simple: I am a Christian, and I believe our bodies belong to God. He made us, created us all in his image, and we serve him with our bodies as well as our minds and our souls. And so because of that I don’t believe I should really be using the body that God gave me to be having sex with people who I am not married to and I am not “one flesh” with.

I wish people could understand how deep sex is. Apart from the fact that the thought alone of sleeping with people I’m not married to makes me cringe, I’m not about to use my body – which is a temple of God – to have casual sex. It makes zero sense to me. I had previously been struggling with this decision. I needed to be fully convinced that I wasn’t just saving myself because it would fetch me a good husband who would respect and value me accordingly or whatever weird reasons people abstain these days. I needed to reach a level of understanding that I was making the right decision for all the right reasons. Fortunately for me, my background helped so it was a fairly easy decision.

I think people who are not Christians, or who don’t understand why somebody would make the choice, have a lot of preconceptions; there is this idea that you’re just not supposed to feel anything. The Bible is very clear that you can feel these things, but it is lust. And the problem is acting on it and keeping your mind pure.

And lust is a sin. It’s hard to be honest especially with the internet. But I’ve found out that I needed to continuously keep my mind occupied which also requires a lot of discipline. So far, it has helped until something somewhere triggers it. I’ve also been reading my Bible a lot lately which also helps.

I was brought up in a Catholic household, and I always say I had an understanding of God, but I didn’t know God. It was almost like I grew up with a set of rules and certain things I was “supposed” to do:

This is so relatable. I think at some point, you need to stop playing church and just work out your faith with fear and trembling and just know God for yourself.

The motivation for abstinence, on my end, is twofold. One is strictly about my faith and the fact that I respect what the Word says. My faith is the foundation of the choice. I think sex is something that’s very powerful but it was created to be enjoyed in a certain context: to really cement the bonds of marriage and really grow in their love for one another. So when I read those stories in the Bible, in my heart, I truly believe that when you have have sex, when you share with your other half in that context, it is something that’s really a blessing. Really amazing.

This is everything! I could hug Eugene for this!

I think a lot of people don’t understand the power of the act. In the past I’ve been in situations where the foundation of the relationship wasn’t really strong because it was based on a physical thing. Physical things can change. Your faith is what you believe, what you stand on. That’s who you are .

Your faith is what you believe, what you stand on. That’s who you are.

I feel like I can go to God with anything. Just having that conversation can get my mind right, stop me from sinking. We’re cultivating a relationship. It’s just about being honest with myself and with God. That’s how I deal with it.

I really want to get to a point where I can have a honest conversation with God. I have faith that I will get there gradually. Once you’re at that level, you could easily confide in God especially when it becomes difficult and overwhelming instead of relying on your own strength.

We don’t want to portray ourselves as these holier-than-thou people. But it’s actually possible to have a functional relationship, in which you express physically that you care for someone, without having sex. There is a middle ground, and that’s what we’re trying to get across really, by agreeing to do something like this.

Some people believe that just because we’ve decided to abstain, it suddenly makes us holier. That couldn’t be farther from the truth. Everyone struggles with one sin or the other. While we don’t necessarily struggle with sexual immorality, there’s always the issue of lust.

Also, functional relationships work when there’s a middle ground. I mean, I’ve never been in a sexual relationship but I’ve been a handful. The only thing is, we’re “usually” less approached than normal because everyone wants something you can’t give. Instead of brooding endlessly over boys, I usually just focus on myself and my relationship with God. Sometimes, this is God’s way of preventing you from incessant and unecessary heartbreaks which is fine by me.

Abstinence is not as overly difficult or far – fetched as the word implies.

~EB

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