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On Dysfunctionality And The Idea of Marriage

I grew up in a dysfunctional home. Actually, dysfunctionality is an understatement. I’m yet to find a word that aptly describes a group of strangers related by blood and share a last name. It’s amazing you know. Overtime, I’ve learnt that there’s no such thing as a perfect family. #SolangeGate can testify to this. But even at that, the depths to this was something I could only reconcile with in novels and movies. They seemed quite far-fetched until one day reality decided to brazenly throw it to my face. It’s a miracle I turned out the way I did plus mama’s prayers kept the demons away.

Recently, I had a conversation with two of my closest friends. Both of whom have become sisters to me. (Un)fortunately, we all come from the same type of family with the same peculiar issue. Those are the only people in the whole world that I can be entirely honest with without putting up a show. Most days, I’m blessed to have them, other days, not so much. A mean it’s easy for us to brood over things, throw jabs, engage in bants and literally just laugh out loud whilst recording voice notes. But sometimes, it gets out of hand thereby making them a tad annoying. I can’t even begin to imagine what I’ll do without them. A depressed, sunken and suicidal young adult maybe?

Around here, there’s this culture of ”suffering in silence” commonly used within the context of marriage often times being influenced by spiritual slash traditional slash cultural beliefs. For example, an unhappy wife would rather remain in an unhappy marriage and not divorce her husband because of the fear of being ”tagged”. Same goes with spirituality. Because the Bible frowns upon divorce, some people would rather remain in that marriage than disobey God afterall He didn’t force you so what’s your excuse. Which explains why some women would often endure mostly because of their children. They signify some level of hope that would later compensate for their endurance hence the toleration which most times lead to dysfunctionality.

The value placed on marriages in recent times is quite scary. You find couples who go their separate ways just after 72days and then you begin to question the authenticity and validity of the institution. Of course, they couldn’t be bothered about what the Bible says, afterall their spirituality doesn’t get to that level. It’s even more appalling to hear that some women intentionally divorce their spouses just because of the monetary gain that would be allocated after the procedure. It’s crazy I tell you and even more frightening. Then I began to question myself. It’s not entirely my fault that I grew up in an environment that advocates marriage as the ultimate for any and every individual. I believed partners had a way of completing us but right now, not so much.
I’m torn between the dysfunctionality of the past, the non-chalance and decadence of the present and ray of hope the future portrays. For the first time in my entire life, the subject or rather the idea of marriage seems exactly what it is…….an idea.

Sidenote: I clearly have a level of understanding that marriage is an institution ordained by God. Right now, I’m at the point in my life where I’m trying to find meaning so forgive my irrationality.

EB.

4 thoughts on “On Dysfunctionality And The Idea of Marriage”

  1. I share all your discomforts. I also grew up in the home that didn’t exactly display the wonderful sides of marriage to me. For the most part, i’m not sure I wanna marry. Nonetheless, when i relate all my negativity I see of marriage to my mum, she always tells me that marriage is something to be enjoyed. There are many out there who are enjoying their marriages.

    Up until some months ago, i didn’t want to get married. I could live without a partner i couldn’t be more sure. Yet God will have me marry. Why? He wants to start with the family unit to raise seeds that will establish his righteousness upon the earth. Pastor Sam said that if God wants to change a nation, He starts with the family. Likewise, f the devil wants to destroy a nation, he starts with the family too. I finally found a reason to marry as opposed to companionship, love and childbearing

    See babe, whatever challenges you think may go on in this institution, you are going in with God. Forget what your dad did to your mum or otherwise. God will give you a man that will love you like He loves you. God will give you a man that will walk and work with you. We just gotta believe. The just shall live by faith. God really doesn’t want you to live your life without another- a partner. This is part of the reason he put a need in man and woman towards each other.

    I think I’ve said enough. Just relate your fears to God and turn over you future to him as regards marriage and every other thing. God will blow your mind. you just wait.

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